in a really, really bad way. I'm really not that into pain, which is hard to believe, considering how much of my life has been spent in it. Oh well.
So, I'm looking at THOE (The Haunting of Elizabeth, also known as Hidden Within and a bunch of other titles). I posted this problem on my local group to get feedback, but only one person offered her opinion. I'll include it here as I type. Right now, as readers (and some writers) I'd like YOUR opinion on the following.
On the Merritt judge pages, I got a 10 (perfect) in dialogue from one judge, and a *5* from the other. The one that gave me the five said: "You do dialogue very well where you have it. I think four pages of no dialogue is bad." Yeah, well, bite me.
So, you're in DEEP POV (point of view) in this character's head. It's not scenery. It's action. So I don't get that at all, and why that shoved me to 50% of the available score, no clue. She needs to go suck raw eggs that were left out from last Easter...as in 2004.
Whatcha think? Four pages with no one flappin' their gums too much? If you think so, please let me know WHY.
Point of View
Secondly, another person (not from the Merritt) has told me that they disliked that this character (of whom we're in this deep POV) is shot at the end of the scene. Now, this scene was originally written to kill off an agent that told me I should never write another word with the dream of being published one day. (No, I'm not kidding.) But as I wrote it, it ended up a great scene. The reason we're in a POV that's going to die is because of this: The greater the impact the better for the reader. If the character is clueless, then the reader is as well. When the character faces something, the reader does at the same time. I wanted the clueless character to lead.
Now, the one person that replied on the emails addressed this problem. She thinks I should switch to the hero's POV (he's who kills this character). That we can draw out his love of country over self (he had an affair with the chick he's killing, but she's a spy for bad guys now.) He remembers their times together, the smell of her hair, and times like this are when his job just sucks. Then he shoots her. The writer giving me this advice said "You could get a real tear jerker out of this."
Yes, possibly. If there are potentials for tears to be jerked, I can usually find them, no matter what the topic is. So, do I switch? Do I take away the element of surprise and put it in the hero's POV? After the chick is shot, it does switch to hero's POV and things are discussed, and that's the intro to him, his job, and his next assignment, which is going after the heroine to kill her. What I MAY do is start it in the chick's POV and then switch it over sooner to his, so I can have him watching her, and remembering stuff.
I dunno. Comments? Questions? Opinions? Toss it out here.
On a personal front, here's a bit of an update:
Tomorrow is another rheumo appt. I'm going to discuss with him the need for assistance on the weight issues. If he still refuses, I'll tell him I'll be getting help from the Internet and ordering my meds I need from Canada. Can't wait to hear his reaction to THAT. I'm going to lose the weight, with or without his help. Hopefully I can urge him that it'd be better to reluctantly help me than leave me alone to help myself.
The parental units will be arriving on Wednesday. Wednesday is Syd Vicious's birthday, she'll be five. Then Friday is my middle daughter's birthday and she will be 11. So they'll come down on Wednesday then leave Friday afternoon. Carly's having her birthday party Friday night, a sleepover (gack!) and then Sat will have Syd's at the city park. Mom and Dad, the chickens that they are, decided to leave before the sleepover. I wonder if I can hitch a ride with them.
When they're visiting, I rarely get online. I think my mother still thinks that the Internet was created by Satan. But we all know it was created by Al Gore. Oh, wait....
Nevermind. Mom's theory makes sense now.
On a pleasurable note: FINALLY reading Stephen King's ON WRITING. I have literally laughed out loud I don't know how many times. I like that it's so personal of him, plus informative to me as a writer, one writer to another, like he's speaking to ME. Hmm...started with dialogue, ended with King. Life is good.