Saturday, May 14, 2005

Who Wants to Write about Raunchy Sex?!

So on my forums (non-writing) I posted about the possibility of writing for the Blaze line. One of my more...innocent...friends, wondered why I wanted to do that?

Uhh, cuz I can, and get PAID to do it. And because I definitely have enough real life experience in it! I mean, do you want to know the really dirty details of my life? I bet you don't. You THINK you do, but once you have knowledge about a particular subject, you can't erase the images. I mean, look at my picture up there. I'm sweet. I'm innocent. The absolute epitome' of purity!!!!

Yeah, okay, so I pop out a lot of kids. Not my fault!! Two of the four were birth control issues. The other two were just weird timing. Isn't there a saying about doing one thing and doing it better than anyone else? Well, mine's obviously sex.

Yes, I've been tied to a spiderweb made of rope, in a club in Boston. And a St. Andrew's Cross. I know all kinds of nasty little things, and more details of other things I STILL wish I didn't know. So shouldn't I capitolize on that knowledge and go after the X-rated line of Blaze and be PAID for the knowledge? I think so.

So maybe I DO know what it's like to get all pissy and while blindfolded, flip the bird to a man holding the whip. *I* didn't know he was so good with it that he could wrap my flippin' finger until after he did it. (Oh, he thought he was THE MAN that night, showin' off like that.) Maybe I DO know how to make ice dildos. I learned that from B though. See? Not my fault. I just hang out with a lot of pervs.

And, according to the posts and emails I've received in reply to my orgasm post, it's something more people want to read about.

Now I just have to get busy WRITING about it.

My daughter, the weird one with the blog that has the mind of a 28 year old instead of 14, told me she doesn't want me to write Blaze because she's afraid of her friends at school seeing it. Well, duh. But, these friends don't hold a lot of credibility. Shandie was reading one of the romance novels here from home, and one of the guys at school said, "You read that porn?!" (It was straight romance, otherwise she wouldn't have been allowed to read it.) Shan answered with, "My mother WRITES these books."

Unforunately, the guy perked up and said, "Really??!!" Ugh.

So then I say, okay, I'll just write Blaze under a pen-name. That seemed to ease her worries, until I said I'd do it as Brenda Fontenot, my dead ex (YAY!) last name. Which just happens to still be the last name of two of my four kids, Shandie included. You have never seen eyes bug out, or a jaw drop so instantly, when I said that.

I love tormenting my offspring. It's just SO sweet. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

4 comments: said...

Ha! What do you mean "just" tormenting your offspring? ;) Actually, you are as funny as can be and that's what makes reading your posts so enjoyable. Keep it up, Brenda!

Brenda Bradshaw said...

Good morning, Jon! And I shall...~evil grin~

Anonymous said...

Go for it. Sounds like you have something to say!

Dana said...

Too funny! I think I got these comments to work, Blogger or my computer was going extremely slow today.