Thursday, July 07, 2005

Bitch bitch bitch, that's all she ever does

Yeah, well, it's my blog so I can do that. And right now, I'm staring at my crappy writing while reading Jennifer Crusie and thinking, "OMG. I SO suck compared to this."

Do you ever get like that?? You look and admire and get lost in the greatness of another writer and think "There is no way that'll ever, EVER be me"? I'm there, right now.

Thing is, I know I have the talent. And this last year, the things I've learned and grown in are TRULY immeasurable. I have no doubt I'll be published and be happily published and have a CAREER in publishing, not just one book or whatever. I really, really don't have that doubt.

I don't think.

So I msn a friend of mine and I said, "I have no talent."
He said, "Quitting then?"
I said, "I'm too stubborn to."

Which is true. I am. And instead of giving up on it all, I read more. I make myself feel more inadequate as I read Crusie after Crusie, Blaze after Blaze. Why? Because if I absorb it enough, I'll think that same way, I'll create that same thing, because that'll be what I KNOW.

Are you glad you left some of that cheese behind. *chomp*

19 comments:

kacey said...

Isn't that the worst? Reading a really great book, and thinking "why bother?"

This cracked me up though:

""I really, really don't have that doubt.

I don't think."" This is SO me *g

Kelly said...

I do the same thing. I read a phrase and think, damn, I'd never be able to even think of writing something that good, that descriptive, what the hell am I doing?? Then a little voice in the back of my head pipes up and reminds me that this person has their style, and I have mine. I cling to that like the small little life perserver that it is.

Nic said...

I heart you! Thanks for the sweet comment doll! I so can not wait until Reno!!! Michele's M&G is the weekend Meet and Greet at Michele Agnew's blog. www.micheleagnew.com It starts Friday right after 11:59 Thursday night and ends Sunday night. A great way to get traffic and new blog readers. :)

Brenda Bradshaw said...

Oh good, Kacey. Glad to know I'm not the only one with that stupid little doubt that lingers around there. I think it spawns from moments like Mom and the homefries or something.

Kelly, you're absolutely right. I'll re-read something I haven't done in awhile and I think, "Ohhhhhh, snap! That was snarky and GOOD!" I just have to re-read my stuff more often, I guess, to remind myself!

Nic: *smooches* I'm SO hyped for Reno it's not remotely funny!

Tori said...

You are SO not alone! Happens to me a lot. But then other books that I think are fabulous inspire me. Weird, huh?

Brenda Bradshaw said...

Actually, Tori, what REALLY gets me going is reading something and thinking, "I am SO way better than this. If they can get published, I can, too."

Of course, that's before I started reading Crusie. ~sigh~

JJ said...

I have a favorite best selling author that can't write to save her life that I read when I'm writing. It doesn't say anything about my talent but it definitely says something about the process of getting published.

Lynn Daniels said...

BTDT. Still doing it all the time. Which is precisely why I keep one of the worst books I've ever read handy. And whenever that "I suck" feeling gets overwhelming, I pull out this book by an award-winning, extremely-hyped, multi-selling author which makes me groan and roll my eyes every time I read it. Because I know my writing is better than the published dreck I hold in my hands.

randy said...

Sigh. I soooo know what you mean, especially about Crusie 'cuz she's one of my favorites too. But, if you look closely, even Jenny has waaaay improved from her first books to her current (IMO). Have you met her? I met her at the St. Martin's signing at National last year and she's one of the most generous, encouraging authors around.

Dana said...

Jennifer Cusie is awesome, but I bet she started small just like the rest of us. You'll get there. Just don't worry about not writing like others do and just find your style.

Brenda Bradshaw said...

Yeah, Randy and Dana, like I said, I wasn't overly impressed with CHARLIE ALL NIGHT, but then I got to WELCOME TO TEMPTATION, and omg....So fabulous!

Lynn: Yup, I have a pile I keep handy too. THAT is inspiration to me, knowing this person writes muck and gets published. I know without a DOUBT mine's better than that. A bit catty, but so the truth.

JJ: I'd LOVE to know whom you're referring to (grin)

TJBrown said...

I went and listened to John Irving speak and did the "I'm not worthy!" thing for weeks. But you know, there will always be those people who are so talented that they are a cut above everyone else... there are lots of room for those who write a good entertaining read:)
Teri

Canadian Dude said...

Thanks for dropping by. Cheers!

Tess said...

I do it ALL the time, Brenda. It can be very depressing. But I also try to let it inspire me - reminding myself that everyone has to start somewhere.

Trace said...

I know exactly what you mean, Brenda. I feel the same way. In fact, I have quotes of some of my favorite writers talking about how they think they suck when they are writing tacked up on my office wall. Helps put things into perspective :)

Brenda Bradshaw said...

Trace, that's a great idea!

Bethany said...

Just remember one thing when you read those ever-impressing passages in your favorite books-- THEY WERE EDITED (and edited, and edited. And copy-edited). Right? So, you TOO can create flawless text...

Keep the optimism! From one unpubbed author to another....

Brenda Bradshaw said...

Thanks, Bethany! (I tend to forget about the editing from hell.)

Ruthie said...

Well, Jennifer Crusie has a quirky hand with characterization and building community, but her writing is very uneven, speaking technically. But her readers (and I'm one of them) don't care, because we love, the world the story happens in and we wish we could go there and hang with those people.

With world building like that, you're writing doesn't have to be perfect. So, don't feel bad, no one's perfect.