Tuesday, August 16, 2005

I so suck, and CF is up my butt

And in a really bad way, at that.

So I'm on Day Two of my own self-appointed Date To Start Writing Fulltime.

It's not going well.

Yesterday, I took a nap. The house was quiet, and I was exhausted. Then I had to run an errand, and by the time I got done, it was time to start the afternoon school run. Then I was gone most of the late afternoon/evening doing another school supply run, because the older two girls didn't even get their "real" lists until AFTER school started. Let me tell ya, Walmart is a nightmare the afternoon of the first day of school. We should get the stuff free - like hazzard pay.

So then there's today. At 9:30, CF (Control Freak - he's an attorny, so he can't help it - really) called for the first time in awhile. I'd sent him a schedule of what I'd hoped my days alone would be like. Being the total moron I am, I had put 9am - 2pm "Write, write, write". He, being ever so benevolent, said I should only make it 9-1. It's shameful how quickly I agreed.

So by 9:30 this morning, he THEORETICALLY should have been interrupting my writing, right? Yeah. Right. Hmm. Well, I was doing writing STUFF. I was reading about writing collages and pondering if that was something I wanted to try. I was reading different things different authors had said about the pros of doing it. In my I'm-left-handed-brain, that's WORKING because it has to do with WRITING. Right? Of course! CF disagreed.

Apparently, when I wrote "Write, write, write", he took it literally. We hung up the phone five minutes later, with a "I'm calling you back at 1:00 for a report back on how many pages you got done. And no lying about it either."

Gah! Does the man know me or WHAT? My first reaction, before he added that second comment, was, "He'll believe whatever I tell him, so I'll just make a number up." Then he made me agree not to lie about.

But dayum...I'm a writer! I make up fictious stuff that will make the reader smile (sometimes smile. Sometimes squirm. Sometimes get up and find out if the batteries are working in BOB, but I digress...)

So that was 9:30. From there, I called Shari to whine and bitch and moan about CF. That took twenty minutes. Suddenly, it's 10:45 and I'm like...hmm...no more email to check, nothing new on the webpage....I guess that means I'm going to have to open up the freakin' story and actually WORK. Then I had an AHA! moment. The blog.

I could blog. And here I am. I suck. I'm procrastinating and I KNOW I'm procrastinating and I just don't get WHY I'm procrastinating. But I'm procrastinating nonetheless. See? As the title told you, I SO suck.

Okay. That's it. I'm going to open up the book from hell that needs revisions that simply boggle the mind. Right now. I promise. I'll report back tonight with a page number (since I have to totally re-write the beginning, the number will be FRESH pages...if I'm explaining this to you, does that mean I'm STILL procrastinating? Ugh. Thought so.)

Okay. Right now. Write NOW!

19 comments:

Dadio said...

Your right you are procrastinating. Don't start looking for other stuff to do, narrow and focus on only a few things.

Duke_of_Earle said...

Damn, B.B., you DON'T suck. You write well. It shows in your blog posts. Just open the damn file and read the first paragraph, then edit it. Or are you tring to change things structurally? (Move chapters around, write a new opening -- like I just had to do on mine -- that sort of thing?) So just start. If you like the story, you'll be "into" it in no time and at 1:00 you'll be amazed at how much you've done! CF will be in shock.

You're the "eviscerator," right? Go for it!

And I expect a report soon. It's almost 3:00 p.m.

Bill said...

I hope you're lost, deep inside some great story and it's just pouring out of your fingers...

Like the Duke said... just get started, you've got the skills, it'll happen!

randy said...

I feel your pain, Brenda. :)Sometimes it seems like the more time we have available for writing, the harder it is to buckle down...much like every other arena in life.

I've never tried it, but some authors put a kitchen timer on their desk and set if for something like 20 minutes, then promise themselves they'll do nothing but write until it dings.

Whatever method you use, just DO IT. (Hmm...where have I heard that before?)

kacey said...

hey, it's after one and we didn't get a page count...

liz said...

Hey Brenda, cut yourself some slack. It's only been two days without kids. I have days just like yours today, but I've quit beating myself up about it because I know I'll have a day where I can't quit writing for eight hours or more. At least while you weren't writing today, you were thinking about it.

Karyn Lyndon said...

Your blog post made me very stressed out. Been there, done that. It sucks to suck.

Kelly said...

Don't think of it as procrastinating, think of it as slowly working your way into a schedule.

Suzanne said...

I write fulltime and that sounds like my typical day, too, LOL!

Jody W. said...

Kelly's right, but you're also subconsciously writing when you're doing writer things but not writing. Cross fingers! You are! You're mentally plotting!

Also, I've heard it can help to unplug your computer from the internet or work somewhere there's no email. Not that I've tried it. I'd go into spasms :)

Good luck!

Anonymous said...

I'd tell the CF to take a chill pill. *nod*

Love,
expy

Brenda Bradshaw said...

Ya'll are all so great!!! I love being able to share anything writing related and know someone reading knows JUST what I'm feeling!!

I got only five pages done, and they're HORRIBLE. Tomorrow, they'll be deleted. (sigh) Then I'll start over...again.

Shari said...

Deleted??????

Lynn Daniels said...

You don't lie. You're a writer. You give the truth scope!

(Compliments of Chaucer in A Knight's Tale)

And your blog sounds like my days.

Silma said...

Ah, procrastination. Don't we all find creative ways to do achieve such state? Especially since we're writers. Creativity soars here. *lol* It never cease to amaze our ingenuity.

Ed Borasky said...

How's it going? A very wise man once told me something about procrastination. He said, "What would happen if you put off procrastinating until tomorrow?"

Angelle said...

It's really hard to focus at times when you don't have any regular routines. Have a page goal -- like "10 manuscript pages today or no Internet!" or something like that. It'll help you develop discipline.

Manic Mom said...

Hey Brenda--long time no see. Love this comment: ...will make the reader smile (sometimes smile. Sometimes squirm. Sometimes get up and find out if the batteries are working in BOB....

Even with Blogging you ARE WRITING! The creative juices are flowing! Just set smaller goals, like you will sit and write for two hours, then take a break. Or don't even open up the internet when you sit down to write. Think of how lucky you are to be in the predicament you're in... YOU NOW HAVE THE FREE TIME TO DO WHAT YOU LOVE! So do it! I can't wait for school to start next week so I can be in the same predicament! Steph

Hope Ramsay said...

Hey Brenda,

You sure know how to entertain those of us who are procrastinating just READING your funny and so true blog.

So quit . . . so we can ALL get back to work.