Shall I Rant or Shall I Rave?

Or shall I do neither.

For those that read that I post here daily, and noticed I haven't in a couple of days (again!), my apologies. I've been...dead. My brain won't function and I feel like I could collapse at any moment. I'm trudging through life at the moment, forcing one foot in front of the other.

And yet at the same time, I'm missing my blog and oh how I LOVE the comments that flitter into my email. Every single one makes me grin like a teenage boy about to get some.

Whoa. There's a nasty thought. Especially since I have a teenage DAUGHTER! ~glower~

So we had our Austin monthly meeting. First, I have to whine that two of my all time favs, Emily McKay and Julie Kenner, were not there. (To see who the heck they are and why I love them so, check them out on the left in the list of my fav. authors. Bet you end up lovin' 'em too.) And then you'd know why I was bummed! BUT, Samantha Saxon and Robyn DeHart (Yes, that is her real name, actually) gave a fabulous meeting on getting:

~dramatic pause inserted here for effect~

THE CALL!!!!!

Man, talk about having a crapload of questions. Which is real riot, since I have nothing out there to get the call ABOUT, but that's beside the point. They gave insight to things I'd have never thought about. And made me realize two things:

1) I want my damn .com. Period. Even if I have to buy the nimrod out. (Note to self: Talk to attorney tomorrow about the legalities of sitting on a site name that's going unused.)

2) I'm aiming for St. Martin's Press Publishing House, and I didn't even know it until last night.

Okay, I lied. They made me realize THREE things:

3) I'm freaked out about this agent stuff. I mean, I really liked the one at the SARA conference. I like her personality and she's got moxie, it seems. But damn, don't be chargin' me for freakin' copies. I think that's petty. And yeah, okay, it may be petty of ME to think it's petty, but that's how I feel.

Thankfully, Deidre Knight is on Charlotte's RWC list this week and is taking questions. So I asked her if she charges for that type of stuff, like if it's a standard in the business or not. I also asked her about romantic comedy, because that really seems to be where I'll find myself. I may read suspense, and I may write suspense, but I think I'll find my "home" in the romantic comedy category. And that idea makes me smile.

Okay, off track. Back to the agent issue. So, as I said, Deidre Knight is on the RWC lists, and I really, REALLY like her personality. But, she's writing now as well as being an agent, and I find that I have a real problem with it. She said it's fairly common, because agents have a love for the written word themselves or they wouldn't be in the business they're in. And maybe that's true. I don't know. But I do know how hard it is to find the time to write, and I can only fathom how hard it must be to be an agent and the phone calls and the meetings and the whiny, insecure emails from their authors (okay, so if they don't get emails from ME, personally, then the ones they get may not be whiny and insecure, but that's how I think of emails because that's what I imagine myself writing. If you're an agent reading this, ignore that line. I'm really a super confident and secure person. Really. I am. Promise. Actually, in all honesty, if you want to know what I'm like in real person, read this with a bit of a Texas accent and you have it. I'm EXACTLY the same in real life. A lot of people from online are different, they find they're bolder online, or some crap like that, but This. Is. Me.)

God bless it, I can't stay on topic today to save my LIFE! So, all that crap up there to say this: I want to get a feel for agents before I really put my list together. I have this odd little personality of mine that I know will clash with people. I don't want to bother to query those I know I won't like in the end. Soooooooo, things like listening to the agent at San Antonio, and reading the emails from Deidre Knight are really cool. But how do I do that, get that same "feel", from rest of them out there? Makes my brain hurt trying to figure it out.

So then the obvious answer comes to this: Agent appts at Nationals.

Pardon me while I hurl from the nerves at the mere THOUGHT.

No, really, it's not that bad. I've changed my mentality since last year, and last year was SO new to me that I went to my two interviews totally clueless. This year, I know what I want, and I'll know it when I see it. Last year I interviewed with Kim Lionetti and Mary Sue Seymour. Both were super sweet. I don't think either would be a good match with me, though. So I listen, and I read, and read some more, and I make a new list of those I hope to see at Nationals (Deidre, this is aimed your way! And Fogelman, too!) BUT, I cannot waste their time at Nationals in an appointment just to see if I LIKE someone or not. Therefore, I have to have something to pitch.

Okay, another hurling moment. Ugh.

So, that leaves me where? Needing a FREAKIN BOOK TO PITCH, that's where! I have the one I finaled in the Merritt with (No, there's STILL no word on my damn certificate!) but, that book needs soooooooo many revisions. Yeah, I guess I could do them now, but I want to pitch comedy.

So now what? Put together a proposal. Which means a synopsis (please refer to my rant on the basic requirements for a synopsis) and the first three chapters. I have, currently, four new WIP from where I had these little ideas for romantic comedies and they do write quickly and well from my brain to my fingertips and onto the computer screen. (Hard to believe I can even write a book at all if you're reading my rambling thoughts on this blog, huh? But I can!) So, I need to pick one, and from that, shoot for a completed project by mid-July. Do I think I can do it? Not one doubt. Do I think I WILL do it? I'm not sure.

For those that follow, whether by will or by force of reading on here, my medical condition is moving in a new direction. I was just on the phone with an attorney, as my case for disability was denied. ~mock shocked face~ So there's more stress right there as we start the appeal process. Grr.

Let me end my blog entry today with this, which takes us back to the monthly meeting last night. Robyn DeHart said the following, and it made such an impact on me that I wrote it down. She said she heard it from Stephanie Bond, but regardless of who originally had the idea, it's a good comment that speaks volumes:

GOOD writing is not accidental.

I have a dear, dear friend who is up my butt right now about my writing. And having talked about needing the proposal for the appts in Reno, it shines a spotlight on that saying right there. It's not accidental. It's not about "maybes" or "what ifs". It's about me sitting my lily-white down and WRITING. My ideas and my thoughts do not one once of good if they are not nurtured and tended to. I am so, SO bad about putting off writing (as most writers can assertain to...because man! That floor needs to be mopped NOW. Look at that dust! Anyone got laundry? Anything else I can use to distract me from the act of sitting down and doing what needs to be done?!?!?) This friend, who shall remain nameless, is telling me I have got to create a schedule and WRITE. Make the time. I know this. I do. I just don't DO it. But he believes in my writing so much that he's the person that pushed me on the Merritt. Told me to overnight it (I ran out of ink and couldn't send it priority mail and thought I was out of the running) and said that if I did not follow through on it, he'd not speak to me anymore (That was a bluff. I think. Hmm.) So I did do it, with his nagging, and look what happened. I finaled in my first contest on my first manuscript. (He's a better friend than I am, because I'd have said "Told ya so!" He didn't.) So when he tells me he's going to create a schedule for my writing if I don't do it myself, I have no doubt that he will. My first instinct is to grumble and push back, but my second instinct is to say "Holy crap, he really does believe in my talent."

So yes, there's the talent. Now there has to be the action. So here's my action:

I hereby decree that I will have one of my romantic comedies in shape enough to pitch it to agents at Nationals.

There. You are all witnesses.

Now if only I could get Gina to stop asking about my synopsis progress! ~wink~
Love ya, girlie butt!

Thanks to you who write to me. I appreciate it, truly, more than you could imagine. And if you read this entire thing, you're either bored to TEARS and there's nothing else to do, or you like mental anguish. Huh. We have something in common it seems.