Guilt

There's a term we'd never thought of a few years ago. I mean, heck, just a year ago I'd have said "a what"? Blog. It even sounds funny.

So now I'm dealing with blog guilt. I have SO many people who I really absolutely love their blogs and love to read them. But they're soooooooo addictive! I get to reading, and reading, and reading, and then replying and replying and replying. I could spend hours doing nothing but that.

That means I rarely go to the blogs I love. I just got off of writeminded and had to reply to two different entries. I mean, these are my sisters in writing, so we understand so much, especially when they post about writing while being a mother. Right up my alley there, and the guilt of it all that comes with kid time vs. writing time. So when I do get to others' blogs, I feel guilty for not checking in with them more often. How screwed up is that?

If you noticed, I have not written on the blog much lately. I have sooooooo much going on right now. April just sucks. That's all there is to it. This year isn't as bad as other years, because Easter landed in March. But Wed my youngest daughter turned 5 and today, my middle daughter is 11. Tonight is the sleepover for the gazillion girls coming to the 11 yr old's party, and then tomorrow, 24 4-5 yr olds will be attacking the city park for the 5 yr old's party (her first ever that wasn't completely all family!) The house is a wreck and I'm sitting here doing what?

BLOGGING

I have craft stuff that HAS to be mailed by Monday. I still have quite a bit to go on it first. The parties, the cleaning for the parties, the laundry that never EVER EVER ends with six in the family. To top it all off, the 3.5 yr old little man is sick. He was up from 2-4 with B (thankfully) yakkin' his little toddler brains out. At 4, B came to bed and I got up for my turn. I just crawled into bed with him and we both slept on. He's still sick, curled up on the recliner with his Spiderman pillow and an afghan. Poor little dude.

And I'm starting to get craft books in. So far, I've gotten The Writer's Journey, by Vogler and Self-Editing for Fiction Writers by Browne and King. Then Shari (HI SHARI!) got me First Draft in 30 Days. More are on the way. I did start King's On Writing at long last, and that man just simply slays me. My dream as a writer is to meet him one day. Hey SK: Stay away from vans that drive on sidewalks, okay? Give me time to write enough (and get published) so I'm worthy of meeting you!!!

So I have all these craft books but no time to read them. I have like 30 books on my TBR and I have to study my line!! And Mary Buckham's online synopsis class is starting on Sunday. No time! No time! I'm like the freaky-ass White Rabbit from Alice in Wonderland, runnin' around like an idiot with so much to do, I can't get anything done, but...yanno...runnin' around like an idiot.

I guess the most guilt comes from when I know I'm wasting time. When I check my email five thousand more times rather than getting up and changing the laundry or emptying the dishwasher. The times when I sit here in a daze and simply stare at the screen. Lately, it's more times than I really want to admit, to myself much less to you guys. But remember now, I'm a closet-masochist, so I admit it anyway. As much as I deny it, I obviously like inflicting mental anguish on myself, since I do it SO freakin' much.

So there ya go. Here's the guilt I deal with on a constant basis. On personal news: Nothin' new. I ignore moments when the closets are hung from the dresser (I still think "wtf" when I think of that) and the times when my writing is put down as a hobby. As far as my schedule goes, it's good in theory, but I haven't been able to stick with it. Maybe with more practice. I DID get a lot done on my synopsis, and Gina once again brutally whacked it apart for me. I love when she does that. I haven't gotten around to checking to see what all she did, but I'm confident...yes, that's what I said: CONFIDENT! that by the time Nationals hit, I'll be ready to pitch at least one, if not two books.

Ah crap, the idea makes me need to hurl.

I'm off to change out laundry and spend 30 minutes looking at one of the craft books. I'm bound and determined to be a writer, laundry or not.

~smoochas~