The following conversation took place via text messages with my oldest daughter, Shandie, who is currently at Texas State University.
Shandie: Mom, I have to be out of my dorm by 5pm tomorrow.
Me: What?!
Shandie: Are you going to be able to come and get me?
Me: April Fool, huh?
Shandie: I wish. They did a search of my dorm and found alcohol and cocaine in my dresser.
Me: Cocaine.
Shandie: I've been suspended for a full semester. I'm losing all of this semester's credits with no refund. (Side note: That really is the school policy...)
Me: Sucks to be you then. (She lost me on the cocaine. Bad drug choice on her part.)
Shandie: Thankfully they didn't find the prostitutes under my bed.
Me: I just hope they were MALE prostitutes.
Shandie: You know they weren't. I had me a tranny. As Hannah Montanna says, "You get the best of both worlds."
Me: Hit Mimi (my mom) with this next.
Meanwhile, I'm trying not to wet myself in the van while laughing hysterically at the Hannah Montanna quote. Mimi does not have texting, so Shandie had to do it all via telephone and have NO DOUBT that she did, indeed, make that particular call. I think there was an odd glee Shan got when hearing the distress in my mother's voice as she wove her little tale of lies. And my parents thought I was bad. The worst I ever did to my mother was the "Mom, I'm pregnant." Every year for years and years, I did that call, even two years after I had my hysterectomy. Welcome to the new world generation with people like Shandie with their Hannah Montanna and tranny prostitutes.
