Friday's Five -- Heroes

Five qualities my heroes always have:

1) Self-confidence boarding arrogance but not crossing the line.
2) Intelligence. Most definitely.
3) A scorching look.
4) Barely contained passion toward everything important to him.
5) A innate need to protect what he deems is "HIS".

True Love and Fate

While working on BARELY THERE, I’m digging around in Delaney’s past and Mitch’s past, seeing what makes them – well – them. One of the most important things in my hero and heroine’s make-up is how previous relationships have affected them, and how that past relationship makes them view the idea of new relationships. This isn’t just in novels, obviously, but is something we’ve all probably have experienced in our own lives.

Most everyone – aside from Rick, apparently – knows the movie The Princess Bride and tons of the movie quotes, including “TruuuUUUUe Love”. But before that particular quote, there’s another one regarding the real-deal True Love. At the beginning of the movie, when Buttercup is speaking of her love’s assumed death, she states:

“I died that day.”

And I think this is true. If one has loved, truly loved, and it dies a shocking, violent end without consent and closure, we all die a little. We’re not remotely the person we were before. We are jaded. We are scarred. The scars may fade in time, the jaded outlook may calm, but part of us will never be the same again. Ever. The innocence of that purity of love is forever gone. You know now there’s a fantastically bitter alternative that you hadn’t experienced before. You are forever changed. Part of you has, indeed, died.

And it’s my personal belief that if you were to see that person again (as in a break-up, obviously not as in death situations), that part of you will emotionally fling back to that pain. Instantly. You may have memory jolts of the extreme love and happiness, but I promise you’ll also have shards of the pain pressing against the tender scars.

But…here’s the real question circling around my brain today: what happens while the wound is still fresh, blood is still leaking out around your hasty bandage, and someone else comes along? It’s pretty natural, at least to me, to find someone quickly to help dull the pain, to justify that you’re worthy enough to be with someone else, etc. And there’s a name for that: rebound.

And we all know how rebound relationships go, right?

But, just for “what if”, let’s say it’s NOT a rebound, or at least it’s claimed not to be a rebound. That this is IT, The One. (cue Snow White’s chirping birds here)

Is it possible to have BELIEVED you truly loved when in fact, you hadn’t? Is it possible to claim that your future only seemed bright with that first person, only to find that the level of brightness isn’t comparable to the newly neon shine of the latter love? Any proclamations made to the first may have been true at the time, but then a couple of weeks or so later, another person stumbles into your life and suddenly, the first doesn’t have the glow you once thought? At the time, you thought you’d never eat again, sleep again, smile again – your life and the future you’d planned on having with that person is gone gone gone with no hope of renewal but a month later, your head is spinning with love and happiness and the future dawns bright again.

In my world, that doesn’t make sense at ALL but really, I have no idea of these answers and the more I think about it, the more questions I end up asking myself. This is one of the reasons I hate hypothetical questions. I can’t pinpoint the validity of the answer, especially if I’m not the one living it.

From another one of my All Time Favorite Movies, EVER AFTER:


Prince Henry: Do you really think there is only one perfect mate?

Leonardo da Vinci: As a matter of fact, I do.

Prince Henry: Well then how can you be certain to find them? And if you do find them, I mean really the one for you, or do you only think they are, then what happens if the person you're supposed to be with never appears, or she does but you're too distracted to notice?

Leonardo da Vinci: You learn to pay attention.

Prince Henry: And let's say... God pus 2 people on earth and they are lucky enough to find one another, but one of them gets hit by lightening, well then what, is that it? Or perchance you meet someone new and marry all over again, is that the lady you're supposed to be with, or was it the first? And if so, when the 2 of them are walking side by side, were they both the one for you and you just happened to meet the first one first, or was the second one supposed to be first? And is everything chance? Or are some things meant to be?

Leonardo da Vinci: You cannot leave everything to fate, boy. She's got a lot to do, sometimes you must give her a hand.

Okay, taking Prince Henry’s rambling thoughts to mind, let’s say you’re foolish enough to fall in love again – and your gut tells you that it’s real FOR REAL this time. Should it end yet again and the future is gone gone gone yet again, will the pain be as blindingly horrific as the last time, or, because you’ve experienced it already, the pain is muted, even if just a little, because scars cover the previous wounds. The most pain now would be an itching against that scar, a reminder of what you’ve already survived and acknowledgement that you could – if you had to – survive a great loss again. And, because of that survival, because of the jaded past that now defines the new you, are you that much more willing to toss away love and futures and walk away because you know you can survive it? If you begged that first relationship to not be over, but on the newer one you tend to think of ending it more often, what, exactly, does that mean? Is it a gut reaction to stave off pain like you barely survived, and is an acidic “I don’t even care as much as I used to” type situation? What makes someone change the core of who they are so completely? What makes them go from begging one person, then the second person they supposedly “really truly” love they don’t cling to it just as strongly? Ugh, so many questions!

OR! Maybe this is all a male vs. female thing. Maybe men do recover from lost love faster than women do. I don’t think this is the answer, but it could be. For my hero and heroine, this is what they’re telling me, but it just poses a lot more questions of their past and their personalities to figure out their future.

Because you know me: I have to have my Happily Ever After. There’s no alternative for that in Brenda’s World.
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Friday's Five -- Websites

Today I'm posting the websites I go to every day, without fail:

1) Facebook

2) Lucy March's Blog

3) Perez Hilton Celebrity Blog

4) Google

5) eBay

Also on there would be gmail to check my email, but I didn't think that'd really count.

What are the websites you go to every day without fail? Maybe I can find a few new ones to add to those I already visit.

Put Up or Shut Up, Brenda

So... I either messed up, or it was fate, or something similarly squicky, but either way, a revelation definitely happened today, one I knew -- in my heart -- but hadn't really looked at too closely until this morning, and the shock of it jolted me. Violently.

One of my favorite places to visit every day is Lucy March and it's really great to watch her on a daily basis as she travels emotionally and mentally through Life right now. I replied to her post, and then she replied back, and reminded me of an email I sent her years ago after reading her first book, TIME OFF FOR GOOD BEHAVIOR, and if you read my stuff at all, you'll know it's one of my all-time favorite books. I'd forgotten about that email I'd sent until she reminded me of it, and in doing so, I went digging through my blog, back to 2005, and time after time of reading blog post after blog post, one thing kept sounding loud and clear, and I sat here, staring and reading, it was like roadkill I couldn't look away from.

A huge, vast galaxy of excuses.

I wasn't writing because of this. I wasn't writing because of that. Day after day, week after week, YEAR AFTER YEAR!

I sat here, staring at my laptop.

So okay -- the other side of it. In the last five years, tons of changes have happened in my life. HUGE, HONKIN' changes. Two moves, Sydney's asperger's, Cooper's epilepsy, Shandie off to college, a divorce. Finding who I really am, aside from wife then ex-wife, mother, daughter, Rick's girlfriend, online friendships, now Girl Scout leader and real life friendships. If I strip all of that away, over the course of these years of turmoil, I'm pretty comfortable now with who I know I am.

So, today, April 7, 2010, I'm drawing my line in my own sand. For FIVE YEARS -- five years -- my God just to type it... I've spewed excuse after excuse on why the writing isn't forthcoming. In the last two months, I've written more than I did the last couple of years, but it's not enough. Sure, I've made progress, but it's NOT. ENOUGH.

Two years ago I said I wouldn't attend another National conference until I had something ready to pitch, and I didn't have anything ready, so I didn't go to San Fran or to DC. But this year, this is the year I was going to return, I was going to be in the writing world again, and I was going to write and be ready to pitch. I know I want to write for Blaze. I've created myself a one year, five year and 10 year plan. I've learned collages. But I'm still not producing pages on a daily basis. I'm a realist enough to see the progress I've made and give myself credit for it, but also to understand, deep in my soul, that it's simply not enough.

As Rick said when I talked to him about this, my writing STILL has not become a priority. And, as usual (grumble grumble): He's right.

April is always a tough month for me. Easter and then Carly and Sydney's birthdays. Money is tighter than usual. So I said I didn't think I'd make it to Austin for my writers meetings (it's an hour and a half each way to travel.) But if it's important, I'd find a way, so we'll figure it out to make it happen because *It's Important* that I do so.

For me to keep my promise to myself not to attend Nationals unless I can pitch, I have until May 18th. Early registration for Nationals ends on May 19th. That means that as of today, April 7th, I have six weeks to FINISH this book I'm currently working on.

If I do not meet this goal, I will walk away from writing altogether and simply be a fan of some of the most wonderful women I've ever met and support them as much as I can. This is my line.

Wish me luck.

Friday's Five ~ Language

Five words I wish would come back in everyday language, just because I like them, which of course, is reason enough right there:

1) Nonsensical -- noun

• words or language having little or no sense or meaning.


• conduct, action, etc., that is senseless, foolish, or absurd: to have tolerated enough nonsense.


• impudent, insubordinate, or otherwise objectionable behavior: He doesn't have to take that nonsense from you.


• something absurd or fatuous: the utter nonsense of such a suggestion.


• anything of trifling importance or of little or no use.

2) Thwart -- verb (used with object)

• to oppose successfully; prevent from accomplishing a purpose.


• to frustrate or baffle (a plan, purpose, etc.).

3) Happenstance -- noun

• a chance happening or event.
  

4) flummox [fluhm-uh ks] -- verb (used with object)

• Informal.


• to bewilder; confound; confuse.

5) Glib -- adjective,glib·ber, glib·best.

• readily fluent, often thoughtlessly, superficially, or insincerely so: a glib talker; glib answers.

Side note: glibber is an awesome word -- never heard that one before!

So, any you wish would come back into language style?

Collages: Adult-Style

(You can click on the photo thumbprints -- here and below -- to see larger versions.)

So this is the collage for BARELY THERE. I started collaging after hearing Jennifer Crusie and Lucy March aka Lani Diane Rich have such success with it. So I thought what the heck, I have nothing to lose.

And it really does work. I went to type something about the stapler and instead of just saying STAPLER, I said, "plain black office stapler" and everyone under the sun now knows exactly what I mean when I say "stapler". And I only have that description because I have the storyboard for this right there in my face the entire time I'm typing. In fact, yesterday I could only manage 300 miserable, horrible, where's-the-delete-key-words and I think it may have been because I didn't have my collage right in my face talking to me as I typed.

So this is the full thing: I bought a tri-fold presentation in black and cut it in half horizontally because I didn't think I needed that much space. So okay -- the black tri-fold board is then covered in sheer black meshing with glittery dots then topped with black satin tied with black and red plaid bows. I used a hole puncher to work those ribbons through. Then I started to abuse the printer...

Whenever we read a book, we create our own visuals of what characters and settings look like based on the information the writer has given us to work with. And of course, everyone mostly visualizes something different, and I think that's why a lot of times people think books are better than movies; the visuals in the movies don't match up to the visuals in the mind (although I think an excellent example against that are the first two Harry Potter movies -- everyone always said it was just as they imagined it. Then, of course, they had to go and get a new director and muck it all up, but I digress...)

So, on that idea, the "characters" on my board are more like the IDEA of the book character more than what they really look like. Delaney Dupree, heroine extraordinaire, is sassy and has crazy red hair -- so of course, Debra Messing came to mind instantly. If you notice there's the bigger photo of her -- I printed that off and used a mat around her and put the name above it. Her favorite drink is a mango margarita, so I glued one of those on as well. Then TIME and STAPLERS are important, so I found ones to be hers, and ones to be his. HIS, being Mitch Parker, womanizer to the extreme and sporting that "everyone loves me" flash of a grin. Who better than Michael Weatherly to give me that on both counts. So... he's framed with a mat as well, he gets his version of stapler and clock, and then I glued his scotch on his hand, and the small photo under him is a spreadout of women -- to represent his womanizing ways.

Okay, then. They both crave landing the VP seat of their advertising agency, so I printed off an executive looking office and put it between them. Right under that is some lingerie, since they kind of battle it out for this new client, so it's also "between" them.

Under Delaney, you'll see a photo of her best friend, Jodi Todd. I describe Jodi as cool and calm with a sleek blonde bob, so I printed out pics of that to represent her. Jack Kincaid, over there under Mitch, is known for his laid back style and basically a good guy.

On the left, most of that represents the dreams that seem to connect Mitch and Delaney. The bottom photo on the left is Delaney's apartment.

On the right side of the board, there's a photo overlooking a downtown office area and over it reads "Little Miss Double D" -- Mitch's nickname for Delaney. Next to that is a photo of Mitch that says "Mitch the Bitch", Delaney's nickname for Mitch. A lot of the book takes place in their offices, and between their offices is the Cubicle Arena, so I printed out a photo of that. On top of the "Instant Ad Exec Just Add Coffee" coffee mug is a small print of a standard office break room. And another red stapler, because staplers are big in this book.

Below that is a photo of Mitch's apartment. On the lower right are photos of the inside of clubs that represent Duke's Bar from the book.

Whew. I'm tired now!

At the top center of the board is a photo between the words BARELY and THERE (which have white and silver glitter on them for a magical visual appeal) and that photo is the core of it all -- a connection, the sensuality, the need, the trust.

The perfect embrace.

Hope you enjoy seeing the creative process and I hope it doesn't bore you to tears! As I stated, this is my first time with working a storyboard collage, and I really, really enjoyed it a lot.

There are a couple of close-up shots:

Happy Birthday, Lester Bobo!

Today is my dad's birthday -- and this song always reminds me of him.

Happy 72nd Birthday, Dad! I love you!

Making a Playlist and this Breaks My Heart

Working on my playlist for BARELY THERE, and while downloading one song, this one came up, and just watching the video breaks my heart. To know he's singing this live is amazing to me. The pain radiates.

Friday's Five ~ Springtime

Five things I love about Springtime in Texas:

1) Flowers -- especially the bluebonnets growing wild on the side of the road, or driving by a store and seeing the sparkling array of flowers in all colors for sale.

2) Sunshine -- although I really dislike daylight savings time, I do like that the kids get longer periods of outside play on school days.

3) Rebirth -- nothing beats seeing the grass start to turn green again, and watching the trees bloom after months of emptiness on the branches.

4) Frolicking -- the dogs seem to come to life with everything else, finding sticks to play with, hopping through the grass, rolling around thinking, "I'm a happy dog! I'm a happy dog!" I loooove it.

5) Flipflops!!! Although occasionally, I'm still a child of the 80s and call them thongs, much to the snickering of my children.

Oh So Ordinary

Today we watched American Beauty, which I'd never seen before. Very interesting film and it's obvious why it won so many awards. And the theme of ORDINARY resonated: Lester Burman's "I'm just an ordinary guy who has nothing to lose" but especially this one line by Angela Hayes:

"I don't think that there's anything worse than being ordinary."

I think this is a universal truth in us all, even though very few of us would admit it. We may say we want "the American dream" or "just an ordinary life" but that's not only lying to the world, it's lying to ourselves. Is it the need to feel humble? Who said we had to be humble when it comes to our lives? I don't get this mentality at all and I definitely believe that it is a great unspoken fear, this fear of being ordinary, but we just don't have the guts to state it for whatever personal reasons we may think we have. And, in craving it, I have no doubt that people turn to the darker side of it, the entire "negative attention is better than no attention at all" or those people who kick others on the ladder in an attempt to make themselves appear higher, even if just to themselves. But aside from the obvious negatives, I don't think there's a single thing wrong with loudly exclaiming we want more.

We all want to stand out, to get acclamations, to rise above. No one would want a review stating it was "an ordinary performance" or "an ordinary book". So why would any one state that they want the ordinary? I don't want an ordinary love -- I want a spectacular love, defying odds, a love that others re-tell, the one books are written about and for which movies are made. And our lives, from memories to the future of our personal bucket lists -- does any one have "pay the mortgage" or "take out the trash" on their lists? Of course not. They have swimming with dolphins and climbing mountains and other SO out of the ordinary goals listed and for a reason -- we don't want to die having been ordinary.

I crave the extraordinary, and I'm pretty sure I'm not alone. We shouldn't settle for less, and we shouldn't think we deserve less than extraordinary. The ordinary becomes acceptable when we all lower our expectations and settle.

The only settling I want to do is to settle into my extraordinary bed with my extraordinary Rick with my amazingly extraordinary kids dreaming their personal dreams down the hall and keep living our extraordinary life and making extraordinary memories.

Also -- don't say ordinary a lot. It starts to sound really weird. Don't believe me? Try it. Say it aloud like 20 times. Just don't accept it.

Same for extraordinary. That one, well, you're allowed to accept that. Aren't you glad I gave you permission for something you didn't even know you needed?

You're welcome.